Category Archives: Quote Of The Day

“I’M ENOUGH”

Todays blog, is a copy of the transcript from a Ted Talk on “The Power Of Vulnerability”, from the author, Brene Brown.

Her bio is as follows:

About

“Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.

Her 2010 TEDx Houston talk on the power of vulnerability is one of the most watched talks on TED.com, with over 15 million views. She gave the closing talk, Listening to Shame, at the 2012 TED Conference in Long Beach.

Brené is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (2012). She is also the author of the #1 New York TimesBestseller The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), and I Thought It Was Just Me (2007).

Brené is also the founder and CEO of The Daring Way – a teaching and certification program for helping professionals who want to facilitate her work on vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness.

Brené lives in Houston with her husband, Steve, and their two children.”

And here is the transcript from that Ted Talk…

“So, I’ll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, “I’m really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer.”

And I thought, “Well, what’s the struggle?”

And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I’m going to call you a researcher, I think, but I’m afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they’ll think you’re boring and irrelevant.”

And I was like, “Okay.”

And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you’re a storyteller. So I think what I’ll do is just call you a storyteller.”

And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You’re going to call me a what?”

And she said, “I’m going to call you a storyteller.”

And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?”

I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.”

I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I’m a qualitative researcher.

I collect stories; that’s what I do.

And maybe stories are just data with a soul.

And maybe I’m just a storyteller.

And so I said, “You know what? Why don’t you just say I’m a researcher-storyteller.”

And she went, “Ha ha. There’s no such thing.”

So I’m a researcher-storyteller, and I’m going to talk to you today — we’re talking about expanding perception — and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.

And this is where my story starts.

When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here’s the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.”

And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.

I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.”

And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor’s in social work, a master’s in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “life’s messy, love it.”

And I’m more of the, “life’s messy, clean it up, organise it and put it into a bento box.”

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me — really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.”

And I’m like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A’s. That was my mantra.

So I was very excited about this.

And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.

So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you’re a social worker for 10 years, what you realise is that connection is why we’re here.

It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

This is what it’s all about.

It doesn’t matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is — neurobiologically that’s how we’re wired — it’s why we’re here.

So I thought, you know what, I’m going to start with connection.

Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one “opportunity for growth?”

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?

Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.

So very quickly — really about six weeks into this research — I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn’t understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.

And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection?

The things I can tell you about it: it’s universal; we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.

No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this “I’m not good enough,” — which we all know that feeling: “I’m not blank enough. I’m not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.”

The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I’m going in, I’m going to figure this stuff out, I’m going to spend a year, I’m going to totally deconstruct shame, I’m going to understand how vulnerability works, and I’m going to outsmart it.

So I was ready, and I was really excited.

As you know, it’s not going to turn out well.

You know this.

So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I’d have to borrow everyone else’s time. But here’s what I can tell you that it boils down to — and this may be one of the most important things that I’ve ever learned in the decade of doing this research.

My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.

At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories — thousands of pieces of data in six years.

And I kind of got a handle on it.

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay — and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness — that’s what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness — they have a strong sense of love and belonging — and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they’re good enough.

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.

And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.

That’s it.

They believe they’re worthy.

And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.

What do these people have in common?

I have a slight office supply addiction, but that’s another talk.

So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research?

And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.

These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.

In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents.

What’s the theme?

What’s the pattern?

My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I’m just writing and in my researcher mode.

And so here’s what I found.

What they had in common was a sense of courage.

And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.

Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language — it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart — and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.

They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.

And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.

They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.

They just talked about it being necessary.

They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.

They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

They thought this was fundamental.

I personally thought it was betrayal.

I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job — you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict.

And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown — which actually looked more like this.

And it did.

I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.

A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.

And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.

Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any recommendations?”

Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo, I wouldn’t want to be your therapist.”

I was like, “What does that mean?”

And they’re like, “I’m just saying, you know. Don’t bring your measuring stick.

I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist.

My first meeting with her, Diana — I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.

And she said, “How are you?”

And I said, “I’m great. I’m okay.”

She said, “What’s going on?”

And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.

And so I said, “Here’s the thing, I’m struggling.”

And she said, “What’s the struggle?”

And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.”

And I said, “But here’s the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit. I just need some strategies.”

So she goes like this.

And then I said, “It’s bad, right?”

And she said, “It’s neither good nor bad. It just is what it is.”

And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”

And it did, and it didn’t.

And it took about a year.

And you know how there are people that, when they realise that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.

A: that’s not me, and B: I don’t even hang out with people like that.

For me, it was a yearlong street fight.

It was a slugfest.

Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability.

Why do we struggle with it so much?

Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?

No.

So this is what I learned.

We numb vulnerability — when we’re waiting for the call.

It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?”

And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.

Because I wanted to know what’s out there.

Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick, and we’re newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people.

This is the world we live in.

We live in a vulnerable world.

And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

And I think there’s evidence — and it’s not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it’s a huge cause.

We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is — and I learned this from the research — that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these.

I hack into your lives for a living. God.

You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.

You cannot selectively numb.

So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.

And it doesn’t just have to be addiction.

The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain.

Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.

I’m right, you’re wrong.

Shut up.

That’s it.

Just certain.

The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There’s no discourse anymore. There’s no conversation. There’s just blame.

You know how blame is described in the research?

A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

We’re perfect.

If there’s anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn’t work.

Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.

Let me tell you what we think about children.

They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here.

And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect.

My job is just to keep her perfect — make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.”

That’s not our job.

Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

That’s our job.

Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems I think that we see today.

We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate — whether it’s a bailout, an oil spill, a recall — we pretend like what we’re doing doesn’t have a huge impact on other people.

I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We’re sorry. We’ll fix it.”

But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this.

This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.”

And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough.

Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.

That’s all I have. Thank you.”

(The link to her talk is below:)

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“When I was a child, an angel came to say,
A true friend is coming my warrior to sweep you away,
It won’t be easy the path because it leads through hell,
But if you’re faithful, it will be the greatest story to tell,
You will move God’s daughters to a place of hope,
Your story will teach everyone there is nothing they can’t cope,
You will suffer a lot, but not one tear will you waste,
Because for all that you do for me, you will be graced,
For I am bringing you someone that wants to travel your trail,
Someone you already met when you passed through heaven’s veil,
A warrior, a friend that whispers your heart’s song,
Someone that will run with you and pull your spirit along,
Don’t you see the timing was love’s fated throw,
Because I put you both there to help one another grow,
I am the writer of all great stories your chapters were written by me,
You suffered, you cried because I needed you to see,
That your faith in my ending goes far beyond two,
It was going to change more hearts than both of you knew,
So hush my child and wait for my loving hand,
The last chapter is not written and still in the sand,
It is up to you to finish, before the tide washes it away,
All that is in your heart, I’ve put their for you to say,
This is not about winning, loss or pain,
I made you the way you are because true love stories are insane,
I wrote you in heaven as I sat on its sandy shore,
You know with all of my heart I loved you both more,
There is no better ending two people seeing each other’s heart,
Together your spirits will never drift apart,
Because two kindred spirits is what I made you to be,
The waves and beach crashing together because of– ME.” – Shannon L. Alder

EMOTIONAL INDEPENDENCE – by Paulo Coelho

(No writing for me this week. I am still writing, yet I am not publishing anything indefinitely for several reasons. However, I stumbled upon this article today by Paulo Coelho and thought I’d share. Enjoy.)

“At the beginning of our life and again when we get old, we need the help and affection of others. Unfortunately, between these two periods of our life, when we are strong and able to look after ourselves, we don’t appreciate the value of affection and compassion. As our own life begins and ends with the need for affection, wouldn’t it be better if we gave compassion and love to others while we are strong and capable?”

The above words were said by the present Dalai Lama. Really, it is very curious to see that we are proud of our emotional independence. Evidently, it is not quite like that: we continue needing others our entire life, but it is a “shame” to show that, so we prefer to cry in hiding.

And when someone asks us for help, that person is considered weak and incapable of controlling his feelings.

There is an unwritten rule saying that “the world is for the strong”, that “only the fittest survive.”

If it were like that, human beings would never have existed, because they are part of a species that needs to be protected for a long period of time (specialists say that we are only capable of surviving on our own after nine years of age, whereas a giraffe takes only six to eight months, and a bee is already independent in less than five minutes).

We are in this world, I, for my part, continue – and will always continue – depending on others. I depend on my wife, my friends and my publishers. I depend even on my enemies, who help me to be always trained in the use of the sword. Clearly, there are moments when this fire blows in another direction, but I always ask myself: where are the others?

Have I isolated myself too much?

Like any healthy person, I also need solitude and moments of reflection. But I cannot get addicted to that.

Emotional independence leads to absolutely nowhere – except to a would-be fortress, whose only and useless objective is to impress others.

Emotional dependence, in its turn, is like a bonfire that we light. In the beginning, relationships are difficult. In the same way that fire is necessary to put up with the disagreeable smoke – which makes breathing hard, and causes tears to pour down one’s face.

However, once the fire is alight, the smoke disappears and the flames light up everything around us – spreading warmth, calm, and possibly making an ember pop out to burn us, but that is what makes a relationship interesting, isn’t that true?

I began this column quoting a Nobel Peace Prize winner about the importance of human relationships. I am ending with Professor Albert Schweitzer, physician and missionary, who received the same Nobel prize in 1952.

“All of us know a disease in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we need to know is that there is a similar disease that attacks the soul – and which is very dangerous, because it catches us without being noticed. When you notice the slightest sign of indifference and lack of enthusiasm for your similar, be on the alert!”

“The only way to take precautions against this disease is to understand that the soul suffers, and suffers a lot, when we make it live superficially. The soul likes things that are beautiful and profound”.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” – Plato

I am shocked and saddened to learn of the news of the tragic passing of Charlotte Dawson today.

I met Charlotte through Twitter around 4 years ago, and maintained a friendship with her over the years,

She always supported my writing, often sending my articles out into the Twitterverse.

We had several private conversations throughout the years about our own personal battles of sometimes being in states of absolute despair, particularly that of the devastating toll that infertility has had on both of us as women.

My former husband spent quite a lot of time with her whilst filming Celebrity Apprentice that our company worked closely with. She was liked by all on set, was kind, and acted as mentor to the other contestants.

Charlotte assisted me just the other week when I approached her on how to deal with the recent abuse I received via Twitter over one of my articles. She was kind and gracious in advising me to try to ignore it and not engage, and to not doubt my writing abilities.

I do not know the circumstances surrounding her death, so I will not weigh in uninformed on this matter, however I will say this.

Bullying is never ok.

Whilst that old saying of “names will never hurt me” has some weight to it, it unfortunately isn’t entirely true in today’s society of social media technology.

Depression and mental illness is a potentially life threatening affliction, and one that should be taken seriously.

I am devastated at the loss of a strong and confident women who I looked up to on so many levels.

If you, or anyone you know is suffering, please reach out for help and seek assistance. Nobody should have to fight this battle alone. And please, be kind to one another.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato

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QUOTE OF THE DAY – THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE OF WEAPONS (by Paulo Coelho)

The most destructive of weapons is not the spear or the siege cannon, which can wound a body and demolish a wall.

The most terrible of all weapons is the word, which can ruin a life without leaving a trace of blood, and whose wounds never heal.

Let us, then, be the masters of our tongue and not the slaves of our words.
Even if words are used against us, let us not enter a battle that cannot be won.
The moment we place ourselves on the same level as some vile adversary, we will be fighting in the dark, and the only winner will be the Lord of Darkness.

Loyalty is a pearl among grains of sand, and only those who really understand its meaning can see it.

Thus the Sower of Discord can pass the same spot a thousand times and never see the little jewel that keeps together those who need to remain united.

Loyalty can never be imposed by force, fear, insecurity or intimidation.
It is a choice that only strong spirits have the courage to make.

And because it is a choice, it will never tolerate betrayal, but will always be generous with mistakes.
And because it is a choice, it withstands time and passing conflicts.

QUOTE OF THE DAY – Paulo Coelho on Solitude

For those who are not frightened by the solitude that reveals all mysteries, everything will have a different taste.

In solitude, they will discover the love that might otherwise arrive unnoticed. In solitude, they will understand and respect the love that left them.

In solitude, they will be able to decide whether it is worth asking that lost love to come back or if they should simply let it go and set off along a new path.

In solitude, they will learn that saying ‘No’ does not always show a lack of generosity and that saying ‘Yes’ is not always a virtue.

And those who are alone at this moment, need never be frightened by the words of the devil: ‘You’re wasting your time.’
Or by the chief demon’s even more potent words: ‘No one cares about you.’

The Divine Energy is listening to us when we speak to other people, but also when we are still and silent and able to accept solitude as a blessing.

And in that moment, Its light illumines everything around us and helps us to see that we are necessary, and that our presence on Earth makes a huge difference to Its work.

QUOTE OF THE DAY -Albert Einstein

“A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. As far as I’m concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
True religion is real living; living with all one’s soul, with all one’s goodness and righteousness.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism.He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.

If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”

 

– Albert Einstein

QUOTE OF THE DAY – THE BIRD AND THE CAGE (Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes)

“Once upon a time, there was a bird. She was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colorful, marvelous feathers.

One day, a man saw this bird and fell in love with her.
He invited the bird to fly with him, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. He admired and venerated and celebrated that bird.
But then he thought: She might want to visit far-off mountains!
And he was afraid, afraid that he would never feel the same way about any other bird.

And he thought: “I’m going to set a trap. The next time the bird appears, she will never leave again.”
The bird, who was also in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage.

He looked at the bird every day. There she was, the object of his passion, and he showed her to his friends, who said: “Now you have everything you could possibly want.”

However, a strange transformation began to take place: now that he had the bird and no longer needed to woo her, he began to lose interest.

The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of her life, began to waste away and her feathers to lose their gloss; she grew ugly; and the man no longer paid her any attention, except by feeding her and cleaning out her cage.

One day, the bird died. The man felt terribly sad and spent all his time thinking about her. But he did not remember the cage, he thought only of the day when he had seen her for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.

If he had looked more deeply into himself, he would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was her freedom, the energy of her wings in motion, not her physical body.

Without the bird, his life too lost all meaning, and Death came knocking at his door.
“Why have you come?” He asked Death.
“So that you can fly once more with her across the sky,” Death replied.

“If you had allowed her to come and go, you would have loved and admired her ever more; alas, you now need me in order to find her again.”

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“For those who are not frightened by the solitude, everything will have a different taste.

In solitude, they will discover the love that might otherwise arrive unnoticed.

In solitude, they will understand and respect the love that left them.

In solitude, they will be able to decide whether it is worth asking that lost love to come back or if they should simply let it go and set off along a new path.

In solitude, they will learn that saying ‘No’ does not always show a lack of generosity and that saying ‘Yes’ is not always a virtue.

And those who are alone at this moment, need never be frightened by the words of the devil: ‘You’re wasting your time.’

Or by the chief demon’s even more potent words: ‘No one cares about you.’

The Divine Energy is listening to us when we speak to other people, but also when we are still and silent and able to accept solitude as a blessing.

And when we achieve that harmony, we receive more than we asked for.” – Paulo Coelho