When I first left my ex-husband just over 2 years ago now, after initially saying that I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again, I then went on to say that I would give myself the gift of being single for a year.
Whilst I often struggled with loneliness during that year, and I was often consumed by some very dark days, by the end of that period I had truly come to accept being single. And not only accept it, I was pretty happy.
I enjoyed doing things on my own. I enjoyed meeting new people. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to let anyone know my plans. I enjoyed taking off whenever I wanted to. I enjoyed spending a lot of my time writing, and figuring out who I am as a woman.
And at the end of that year, I finally felt whole as a person. I was complete.
And that’s when it began.
Exactly one year to the day after I ended my marriage, I met someone very special.
On Monday that just passed, I celebrated my one year anniversary with him.
And today, I want to share something very special.
On Tuesday morning, he had organised a lunch for us in which he had kept the location a secret.
I excitedly got ready that morning, fussing over what I should wear. As I do.
He got dressed in all blue, and I too decided to wear blue also.
I have become one of those couples that likes to dress in matching outfits *cue eye-rolling*.
We got into the car, and we started to head towards the northern beaches of Sydney. A place that is very special to me as I spent almost every weekend there as a child visiting my Grandparents.
As we drove further, I realised we were on my Grandparents street.
We parked, and got out of the car, where we joined hands, and walked along the reserve on the cliff at the back of my Grandparents bare block of land. The house has since been demolished, but it still holds the magic that it always did. I even strangely felt their presence.
He lead me to “the seat of knowledge”, a park bench perched high upon the cliff overlooking the beach below.
A place where my Grandfather used to sit with us, and tell us stories like grandfathers do.
We sat down, and he took my hand, retrieving a piece of paper from his pocket.
“A year ago today I woke up with you for the first time.
I remember feeling excited to have met someone who made me feel so energised, and yet also so calm. I knew you were a very special girl from the moment we first started texting. It didn’t take long to fall in love with you. Somehow I think within only a few days I knew where our relationship would go, and since then, I have never looked back.
I know this place holds a special place in your heart. I know how much you loved your grandfather and what this beautiful setting means to you.
For me, I have grown up with the ocean. It is part of me and I am part of it.
I have chosen the seat of knowledge as it represents a connection point between the ocean and the land and therefore signifies the intersecting of part of your history and part of mine, two histories that are now irreversibly bonded by love.
We have lived, travelled, talked for hours on end, survived Ikea 3 times, laughed and laughed, mostly you at me, but ultimately shared life together without material, without ego and without the need to do or to show. We have just lived, and discovered within each other that simplicity has a beauty about it that only few see.
Amy, you have made me the happiest I have ever been. It is inconceivable that 12 months ago I didn’t know you, yet now I can’t imagine what life would be like without you.
I love you so much. I would be honoured to become your husband. So for the universe’s sake please say yes.
Amy Nash. Will you marry me?”
And I am overjoyed to announce that I said yes.
Today, I want to dedicate this article to my fiancé.
So here goes:
I want to thank you for moving mountains to be with me.
You have brought me so much happiness.
You have literally brought colour into my world. Where it was once filled with beige, neutrals, lots of shades of grey, and sometimes black, it is now replaced with the most vibrant of colours.
You have allowed me to care for you, and you have cared for me more than anyone.
You have made me laugh so much. I know I laugh at you a lot. But you do really funny things.
You have never made me cry, and you’ve always been there to dry my tears when I have watched sad movies, and the finale of the “Bachelorette”.
You have filled me with a joy like no other.
You have been there to comfort, and reassure me when I have had my panic attacks. You have been there for me during hard times, and happy times.
You have been my rock, my advocate, and my unwavering constant.
You think I’m beautiful first thing in the morning. You like my messy hair, and you always tell me I don’t need to wear makeup.
You have built things for me, and helped build me up too.
We have talked and talked – mostly me talking to you, and trying to convince you that magic is real (it is by the way…).
You have always treated me like a princess.
You have always been a perfect gentleman.
You are polite, soft-natured, well-mannered, respectful, generous, and kind. I’m not sure I know anyone as kind-hearted as you. Maybe my Dad 🙂
You have always allowed me to be myself. You have never judged me, or made fun of me, or put me down.
You accept me for the weirdo that I am, with my tendency towards nervousness.
You understand my complexities, and my contradictory nature. You know that I am a combination of soft and strong.
I love that you read books, and that you are spiritual. I love that you are not ruled by ego, vanity, and wanting to “win”.
I love that you know how to be silent. And I don’t mean being quiet. I mean being still. Being present. And not needing constant stimulation to be content. “A Jedi craves not these things”.
Thank you for taking my hand and not letting go whilst gently guiding me when I have been overwhelmed and sometimes paralysed by fear.
You are my partner, and also my friend, and I feel so lucky that the stars aligned, and we were able to find each other. You are my wish to the universe come true.
The whole version of me feels honoured to be completed with the whole version of you.
And to me, the ring I now wear, is symbolic of that complete circle.
The force is strong in both of us.
I love you, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.
To my readers, my only advice is to only allow love to be your motivating force.
Don’t allow fear to consume you.
And to love? Say YES.