YES.

imageWhen I first left my ex-husband just over 2 years ago now, after initially saying that I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again, I then went on to say that I would give myself the gift of being single for a year.

Whilst I often struggled with loneliness during that year, and I was often consumed by some very dark days, by the end of that period I had truly come to accept being single. And not only accept it, I was pretty happy.

I enjoyed doing things on my own. I enjoyed meeting new people. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to let anyone know my plans. I enjoyed taking off whenever I wanted to. I enjoyed spending a lot of my time writing, and figuring out who I am as a woman.

And at the end of that year, I finally felt whole as a person. I was complete.

And that’s when it began.

Exactly one year to the day after I ended my marriage, I met someone very special.

On Monday that just passed, I celebrated my one year anniversary with him.

And today, I want to share something very special.

On Tuesday morning, he had organised a lunch for us in which he had kept the location a secret.

I excitedly got ready that morning, fussing over what I should wear. As I do.

He got dressed in all blue, and I too decided to wear blue also.

I have become one of those couples that likes to dress in matching outfits *cue eye-rolling*.

We got into the car, and we started to head towards the northern beaches of Sydney. A place that is very special to me as I spent almost every weekend there as a child visiting my Grandparents.

As we drove further, I realised we were on my Grandparents street.

We parked, and got out of the car, where we joined hands, and walked along the reserve on the cliff at the back of my Grandparents bare block of land. The house has since been demolished, but it still holds the magic that it always did. I even strangely felt their presence.

He lead me to “the seat of knowledge”, a park bench perched high upon the cliff overlooking the beach below.

A place where my Grandfather used to sit with us, and tell us stories like grandfathers do.

We sat down, and he took my hand, retrieving a piece of paper from his pocket.

“A year ago today I woke up with you for the first time.

I remember feeling excited to have met someone who made me feel so energised, and yet also so calm. I knew you were a very special girl from the moment we first started texting. It didn’t take long to fall in love with you. Somehow I think within only a few days I knew where our relationship would go, and since then, I have never looked back.

This place.

I know this place holds a special place in your heart. I know how much you loved your grandfather and what this beautiful setting means to you.

For me, I have grown up with the ocean. It is part of me and I am part of it.
I have chosen the seat of knowledge as it represents a connection point between the ocean and the land and therefore signifies the intersecting of part of your history and part of mine, two histories that are now irreversibly bonded by love.

We have lived, travelled, talked for hours on end, survived Ikea 3 times, laughed and laughed, mostly you at me, but ultimately shared life together without material, without ego and without the need to do or to show. We have just lived, and discovered within each other that simplicity has a beauty about it that only few see.

Amy, you have made me the happiest I have ever been. It is inconceivable that 12 months ago I didn’t know you, yet now I can’t imagine what life would be like without you.

I love you so much. I would be honoured to become your husband. So for the universe’s sake please say yes.

Amy Nash. Will you marry me?”

And I am overjoyed to announce that I said yes.

Today, I want to dedicate this article to my fiancé.

So here goes:

I want to thank you for moving mountains to be with me.

You have brought me so much happiness.

You have literally brought colour into my world. Where it was once filled with beige, neutrals, lots of shades of grey, and sometimes black, it is now replaced with the most vibrant of colours.

You have allowed me to care for you, and you have cared for me more than anyone.

You have made me laugh so much. I know I laugh at you a lot. But you do really funny things.

You have never made me cry, and you’ve always been there to dry my tears when I have watched sad movies, and the finale of the “Bachelorette”.

You have filled me with a joy like no other.

You have been there to comfort, and reassure me when I have had my panic attacks. You have been there for me during hard times, and happy times.

You have been my rock, my advocate, and my unwavering constant.

You think I’m beautiful first thing in the morning. You like my messy hair, and you always tell me I don’t need to wear makeup.

You have built things for me, and helped build me up too.

We have talked and talked – mostly me talking to you, and trying to convince you that magic is real (it is by the way…).

You have always treated me like a princess.

You have always been a perfect gentleman.

You are polite, soft-natured, well-mannered, respectful, generous, and kind. I’m not sure I know anyone as kind-hearted as you. Maybe my Dad 🙂

You have always allowed me to be myself. You have never judged me, or made fun of me, or put me down.

You accept me for the weirdo that I am, with my tendency towards nervousness.

You understand my complexities, and my contradictory nature. You know that I am a combination of soft and strong.

I love that you read books, and that you are spiritual. I love that you are not ruled by ego, vanity, and wanting to “win”.

I love that you know how to be silent. And I don’t mean being quiet. I mean being still. Being present. And not needing constant stimulation to be content. “A Jedi craves not these things”.

Thank you for taking my hand and not letting go whilst gently guiding me when I have been overwhelmed and sometimes paralysed by fear.

You are my partner, and also my friend, and I feel so lucky that the stars aligned, and we were able to find each other. You are my wish to the universe come true.

The whole version of me feels honoured to be completed with the whole version of you.

And to me, the ring I now wear, is symbolic of that complete circle.

The force is strong in both of us.

I love you, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.

To my readers, my only advice is to only allow love to be your motivating force.

Don’t allow fear to consume you.

And to love? Say YES.

“NOTHING OF ME IS ORIGINAL. I AM THE COMBINED EFFORT OF EVERYONE I’VE EVER KNOWN.” – Chuck Palahniuk

My last article was published over two months ago now. For a lot of reasons.

First, I’ve had a lot going on.

Second, my website was hacked a little while ago.

I worked with a particular woman a few years back now, who is a celebrity publicist.

My company at the time, did over $2000 worth of work for her and her high profile client, and she decided to not pay her bill. As you do…

So I decided to write about it.

Anyway, fast forward to about a month ago.

I get this message from someone who was doing some work for this woman. They asked me if I would ever consider deleting the article. After all, it’s pretty bad publicity for her.

I said I would consider deleting the article if she would consider paying her debt. But in reality, I would have deleted it anyway. I’ve let it go.

That’s a lesson in itself. Letting certain things go…

As the philosopher Allan Watts says – “let it go, and it will all come back”.

So a few hours later, at around midnight that same evening, I awoke with a jolt and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I instinctively knew that my website had been pulled down, and sure enough when I tried to log into my site – it had.

I couldn’t have cared less about deleting the article, but as my site had coincidentally been hacked within hours of receiving this request, that particular article shall now remain on my site.

That’s the funny thing about your intuition.

You need to trust it.

Tapping into the mystery and invisibleness of intuition has been something I have spent a long time working on.

I’ve gotten so good at paying attention to it, that I will become physically ill if I don’t listen to what it’s trying to tell me.

At the end of each year, as the holiday season approaches, and at the start of each new year, I like to do a bit of a stocktake of my life.

I like to look back, and see all of the ways that I have changed and grown.

I also like to examine the areas in which I feel I’ve taken a backwards step. And to see why I’m moving in the opposite direction.

And I like to make a list of the things I want in the new year.

As my website was finally back online as of a couple of days ago (and please note, that I’m currently in the midst of changing the site, so I apologise in advance for any issues on the site), I have had the opportunity to go back and take a look at my list for the past two years.

Two years ago I was grateful that I had the opportunity to enjoy my friends’ children.

Two years ago I had come to accept the sometimes difficult reality that my life had not gone according to plan. I’m not sure anyone’s does.

I desperately hoped for peace and happiness.

One year ago, I had a full on year.

I had lost touch with a lot of people.

I had cried so much I could have drowned a small nation. And I had drunk a lot of alcohol.

I had participated in retail therapy in an attempt to bring me momentary joy.

I felt as though I didn’t sleep almost the entire year.

Yet, on the flip-side…..

I had learnt how to be alone.

I had learnt how to practise compassion and not judge people like I used to. That we are all battling in our own way. There’s nothing like being brought to your knees to ironically make you stand up and show you that we are all suffering in some way or another.

And that it’s kind to be kind.

I understood the depth and magnitude of my sometimes consuming loneliness. That often gripped me tightly, and refused to let me go.

I understood that I told people that I pretend that I’m strong, but looking back now, I know that I am actually much stronger than I comprehend.

I learnt how to make new friends. Something I had struggled with. I often feel like an outcast. A weirdo. Because my life does not resemble the cookie cutter life that it should at this point in time.

I learnt about who I am as a woman.

I learnt that a year ago, I felt guilty for simply being alive.

I learnt to embrace my sensitivity as a gift. Not a curse.

I learnt that everything is pretty funny if you look at it in the right way.

I learnt in my reminiscence of times past, that I had a pretty shitty few years.

I learnt that a year ago, I was afraid of rejection, but now I know that so long as I accept myself, I’ll always be ok. It really is true that the most important opinion is the one you have about yourself.

I have learnt that the power of prayer, mantras, hope, wishes sent out to the universe, faith, manifestation, being surrounded by amazing people that believe in you, are the most spectacularly powerful things we possess.

And I have learnt that if you want it bad enough, you will make it happen. No matter what it is. And in that understanding that you have that power, you also need to be warned that you need to be really careful of what you wish for…

And in looking back, I recalled a quote from Kelly Cutrone:

“This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you’ve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really fucking evil. And you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died.”

Today, I ask you to take a trip down memory lane. And ask yourself the difficult question about who it is that you really are.

Nothing of any of us is original. We are ALL the combined effort of everyone we’ve ever known.

Life cannot be experienced to its full by living it alone.

We need other people to help shape us into the person we.

We pick up things from the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

Habits, mannerisms, quirks, ideologies, thought processes, and more importantly, we often decide what we DON’T want to be like. And what we don’t want to have to experience again.

We learn different things from every single person who graces us with their glorious presence.

Sometimes these things are good.

Sometimes these things are not so good.

But we learn regardless. And that’s always a positive thing.

Some people are there only for a season.

Some people we only have a fleeting glimpse of.

And some people are there for the long haul.

But the most important thing to know is this – we take something from everyone we’ve ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with.

No matter how brief.

And all of it is a pleasure. Despite what you may think. Because all of it adds up to who you are right at this very moment.

I dedicate today’s article to a woman by the name of Laura Byrne. An Australian jewellery designer who owns a company called Tonimay http://www.tonimay.com.au/ .

About a week ago, she posted on social media about the fact that the best selling author Paulo Coelho, had stolen her writing as his own.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3389843/Jeweller-claims-award-winning-Alchemist-author-ripped-tender-Instagram-post-shared-version-shared-90-000-times.html

Paulo Coelho has since deleted the post, but hasn’t acknowledged his deception. Which is very disappointing. As I have always admired his writing.

So today, I would like to acknowledge the words of Laura Byrne, and leave you with the quote that was stolen from her. And know that none of us are immune to being influenced by someone else.

“Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know you worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.” – Laura Byrne