It’s one of my best friends’ birthday tomorrow.
I wrote a quote in her birthday card from Shannon L. Alder:
“A best friend is the only one that walks into your life when the world has walked out”.
And it’s so true.
That’s how you really know who your best friends are.
When everyone else has walked out of your life.
For me personally (and perhaps for a lot of other people too), you get to know a lot about yourself when you choose to remove yourself from the life you had once lived.
I am a typical hormonal woman, and I had a bit of a moment today.
And when I say a “moment”, I mean that I had a minute (a few long hours actually) of comparing myself to others.
Not only was I foolishly comparing myself to others, I fell into the trap of thinking that what appears right for another person is right for me. And that I am somehow missing out.
We are so programmed by the people that we surround ourselves with – either by choice, or circumstance – that we cannot help but measure ourselves up to them.
Do I have a good partner?
Do I have children?
Do I have a big enough house?
Do I have a nice enough car?
Do I have a successful career?
Do I have an enviable life?
Am I beautiful?
Am I smart?
Do I dress cool enough?
Am I interesting?
I snapped myself out of this nonsense thought process I was going through, and gave myself the slap across the face that I needed to pull myself out of this momentary rut that I’d fallen into.
I got a text message from my bestie, with a photo of her package from me that had arrived in the mail, in time for her birthday tomorrow.
“Do I have to wait until tomorrow?” came her next message.
“This is the first time all day that I have smiled” I replied to her.
And it really was.
It was then that I had an epiphany.
That the stupid, and pointless comparison to others that I was making, was totally useless in terms of what determined MY happiness.
Those silly things that I thought envied in others, had nothing to do with what brought a smile to my face.
What made me happy was knowing that one of the most important people in my life had gotten butterflies from a gift in the mail.
And so I asked myself – why was I comparing my life to that of others?
Don’t I know, after all these years where my heart lies?
But, at times, I feel my heart lies…
I sometimes think it does that.
We feel our hearts are pulled into a dark place. Into a place of that nonsense of “comparison”.
Which is actually just our ego.
And not our hearts at all.
Because I truly believe that our hearts know all, and do not betray us.
Silly romantic, dreamer I am…
With all of the spiritual work that I have done on myself (and hey, I’m announcing right now that I’m not finished doing that work, and will likely never be done), I was only able to recognise this for what it was when I felt the light of what true happiness really felt like.
And it came in that simple form of what it took to make me smile.
Because that’s what happiness is to me.
What does it take to make that so?
A smile on my face.
And on that of others.
Lightness of being.
Being loving, and being loved.
Getting a text from a friend.
Calling a friend.
Being called by a friend.
And being laughed at.
Being in awe of someone.
And someone being in awe of me.
Someone enjoying my cooking.
Feeling beautiful – which has nothing to do with looking beautiful.
And having peace.
Looking at my list, these “things” have nothing to do with the list that I have created in order to compare myself with someone else.
Because that list has nothing to do with me.
And everything to do with everyone else.
Today, I came back to a quote by the novelist William Gibson, that I stumbled across a little while ago.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes”.
Do not surround yourself with anything less that what is best for you, and what resonates with what YOU want. Not what anyone else wants. Or what anyone else wants in order to attempt to make THEM smile.
As my current writing crush Allan Watts has said, “when you try to turn around to see your own head, what happens? It runs away. You can’t get at it.”
You cannot accurately see yourself.
Which is why it’s important to surround yourself with the right people.
With those that see you properly
Those that make you smile.
That can accurately reflect to you what you truly hold inside your heart.
Which is why I attach a picture to this article of me kissing my best friend on the lips.
Because it’s a perfect metaphor for what we should only ever settle for.
Someone that loves us as much as we love ourselves.
That is willing to be the person that can reflect back to us the pure love that we all radiate from within.
My message today?
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else, and pay attention to what it is that actually makes you happy.
Thats all that’s important.
And only surround yourself with those that can be a mirror for your smile – or your lips ;)…