OH, AND CHANGE YOUR FUCKING LOCK…

After a session with my “life coach” today, she sent me a picture message, which read:

“My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off”.

In the words of Frank Sinatra: “regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…”

I’ve had a bunch of regrets, Like most of us human beings, but in all seriousness, there really are too few to mention…

I’ve had a brilliant 36 years so far.

I’m totally thankful for the life that I have created thus far.

The one regret that is worthy of a mention today, is the quote that was sent to me today.

It put me in a particularly reflective mood.

Where I began to examine who it is that I am.

I am soft.

Easily manipulated, as I have been given the gift – and curse, of seeing both sides of the coin.

I am often a pushover.

I’m too nice.

I bite my tongue often.

I’m a “peace-keeper”.

And my silence has brought to me a place where I have realised that in hindsight, I probably should have spoken up a little sooner in terms of what I wanted for my own life.

Actually, scratch that.

I should have most definitely spoken up from the beginning, and listened to my intuition, like I so often try to tell my readers to do.

My writing is there to serve me, to teach me lessons, as much as I pray on bended knees that my own trials and triumphs assist others.

Being now 4 years off entering my 4th decade on this earth, I want to share that “regret”, and wisdom with those who follow my writing.

And it goes like this:

Don’t you dare settle for anything less than what your heart truly desires.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you know in that heart of yours that you deserve.

Love, lust, friendship, mutual respect, compassion, empathy, generosity, kindness, laughter, acceptance, understanding, vulnerability, and compassion.

Life is way too precious, and too short to fill in the gaps with other people’s utter bullshit.

With their narcissism.

With their ulterior motives.

With their selfishness.

With their insecurities.

With their desire for control.

With their own pride, ego, and vanity.

I recall reading a quote a while ago from the author, William Gibson:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

So many times throughout my life, I have been crippled with debilitating panic attacks.

With relentless anxiety.

With depression.

Which is repressed anger and injustice.

With carrying the guilt of that stupid thought of “but what will they think of me?”

It’s taken a really long time to accept within myself, that I do not care what anyone thinks of me.

It was always someone else’s inner dialogue that convinced me that what matters, is what someone else’s opinion of me is.

All that matters in the end is what I think of me.

But who AM I?

What do I know about myself?

I know that I’m a good person.

I am compassionate.

I am charitable.

I am generous.

I am respectful.

I am caring.

I apologise way too much.

I am insecure.

I suffer terribly at times from anxiety.

I am a complete jackass, with a fantastic sense of humour.

I am understanding.

Accommodating.

Yet, I have limits. And I am not to be messed with.

I am loving, and loveable.

I am fragile, and contradictorily strong.

And I am also spiritual.

That spirituality has helped me separate the “wheat from the chaff”.

And what does that mean in simplistic terms?

The dictionary definition breaks down that statement as follows:

“To choose what is of high quality over what is of lower quality”.

And it with that is that knowledge that perhaps, at times, and maybe for a significant portion of my life, I have probably surrounded myself with assholes. Because I didn’t know how to choose “what is of high quality”.

And I believe a lot of us suffer from this delusion. And we settle for less than we truly are worthy of. For a myriad of reasons.

However, it is with this epiphany that I go back to yet another quote, from someone whom I feel has spiritually held my hand through the past few years of my bizarre little life.

From the inspiring author and philosopher, Paulo Coelho.

“The boat is safe anchored at the port; but that’s not the aim of boats.”

Have I compromised who I am, by not telling people that don’t really deserve a place in my life, how I REALLY feel?

And I have to say yes.

That one of my few “regrets”, has been that I didn’t tell enough people to “fuck off”. Especially when my intuition was screaming at me to do so.

So my advice today?

Do a stocktake of your life.

And start deciding how you want to live your life.

Do you need to do a cull?

Who do you need to tell to “fuck off”?

As I finish up this article, I am listening to a cover of “I will survive”, by the band “Cake”.

Which I feel is a prophecy of sorts.

The lyrics that boom through my earphones are:

“At first I was afraid.
I was petrified.
I kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you’d done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to get along.
And so you’re back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here
Without that look upon your face.
I should have changed my fucking lock.
I would have made you leave your key
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d be back to bother me”

Make of that what you will.

From me to you, and from what I personally make of the song that filled my ears as I completed this article, and with my whimsical, free-spirited nature of looking for a meaning in everything, move that metaphorical boat of yours.

You are destined for so much more than you think.

Open your eyes, and recognise that you are not meant to safely sit in a harbour of complacency.

Oh, and change your fucking lock…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *