I have dropped off the radar for a little while again now.
As I do.
Hey – I’m one of those “creative types”.
I’m hyper-sensitive, and a little bit mad.
But aren’t we all?
I have a lot going on right now.
My silence drives those that are close to me completely mad.
I go quiet when I am trying to make sense of things.
However, I think it’s important to listen to what feelings are coming up for you, and take action accordingly.
For me personally, I am riddled, and often crippled with self doubt.
I question what it is that I am feeling constantly.
I don’t trust myself.
I do not trust the feelings that are there as my constant, guiding compass. Despite the fact that they have always led me to safety…
My feelings have told me a lot of things lately.
But the one that has spoken the loudest, is the one that has told me to remain silent.
I have started seeing my “life coach” again recently after a bit of a sabbatical.
As I sat with my life coach today, she noted that I was wearing a pair of red jeans.
She noted, with interest, that she had never seen me in red jeans.
I often dress for my mood.
I like to dress in “themes”.
And todays mood was “anger”.
A “primary emotion”.
Which is something that I will address in a moment.
I’m all about surrounding myself with those that are there to help us to become the best possible version of who we truly are in our hearts.
I have spent a long time “building my tribe”. http://chasingamy.com.au/2013/10/building-our-tribe/
I have a few things that I feel as though I need to work through.
I’ve never shied away from the fact that I am a work in progress.
I am never going to be finished evolving.
And, *NEWSFLASH* – none of us ever will be.
One of those “things” that I am attempting to work through, is my emotions.
All of us struggle to understand our emotions at some point or another.
Fuck me – I do on a daily basis.
What are they anyway?
The dictionary definition of “feelings”, is as follows:
“An emotional state or reaction”
“The emotional side of someones’ character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond”
“An attitude or opinion”
“The capacity to experience the sense of touch”
“A sensitivity to, or intuitive understanding of”
Let me break down all of these definitions to you.
Because that’s what we do right?
We like to define things.
To put things into boxes.
For whatever reason.
So here goes…
* “An emotional state or reaction”:
If you are physically reacting to something, doesn’t that tell you that your body is trying to tell you something?
That you are not comfortable with what is going on?
That you are physically feeling ill?
That you are feeling excited? Scared? Joyous? Anxious? Happy? Fearful?
Whatever the “emotional state” that you find yourself in, why are you not paying attention to it?
* “The emotional side of someones’ character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond”
How are you reacting? How are you responding? Why are you responding? What’s going on?
We are not as highly evolved as we would like to think we are.
What is the emotion that is arising within that is making you feel the way that you feel?
* “An attitude or opinion”
Is it really so bad to have a strong opinion or attitude on certain things?
I don’t think so.
If it doesn’t sit well with you, you have to find it within yourself to know on that deeper level, that you owe it to yourself to love and respect yourself enough to know that whatever it is that you are experiencing is not right for you.
It might be right for someone else, and hey, that’s their journey, and that’s what resonates with them. But if it doesn’t feel good for you, if it conflicts with your own attitudes, opinions and morals, then you need to pay attention to what’s coming up for you.
* “The capacity to experience the sense of touch”
What is it, that is “touching” you?
What is touching that delicate, and sensitive heart of yours that will one day stop beating?
And more importantly, “who” is touching you?
What are you moved by?
Who are you moved by?
What are you feeling on a physical level that makes you sit up and pay attention?
What is important to you?
WHO has your heart?
WHAT has your heart?
* “A sensitivity to, or intuitive understanding of”
What is that above mentioned, sensitive and delicate heart trying to tell you?
What is it trying to make you understand?
What is your “intuition” trying to tell you?
Your intuition is something you often feel in your “gut”.
Did you know that we have a “second brain” in our gut?
It’s called the “sympathetic nervous system”.
And for me, it’s something that governs everything that my life is about.
It always has.
I go by my feelings.
If it doesn’t feel good, it’s just not going to happen.
Whichever way I look at it.
If it doesn’t resonate with me, if it doesn’t feel good, I must have the maturity and self-love, to have an “understanding of”.
That “understanding of” is something that needs to be paid attention to.
Because if we repress the “feelings” that are trying to make themselves known, we not only emotionally, but also physiologically do things that do not serve us well.
We access our “secondary emotions”.
And that’s not a good thing to do.
Because we are not being authentic.
I learnt something today upon “venting” to my life coach.
We have two emotions.
Primary emotions, and secondary emotions.
Primary emotions are:
These are all healthy, and rational emotions.
Our secondary emotions are:
Rage / envy
Shame / neglect / disappointment / suffering
Nervousness / anxiety / depression
These are all “repressed” emotions. Secondary emotions. And they are not healthy.
They are all states of dis-ease.
How about we stop trying to repress, and suppress our primary emotions.
The dictionary definition of primary emotions is as follows:
“Those that we feel first, as a response to a situation. Thus, if we feel threatened, we may feel fear. When we hear of a death, we may feel sadness. They are unthinking, instinctive responses that we have.”
So let’s start giving ourself the gift of feeling things first.
Let’s start loving ourselves enough to speak out about the things that we feel in that second brain of ours.
Let’s start standing up for ourselves when it doesn’t feel good.
When we feel anger.
When we feel fear.
When we feel sadness.
When we feel threatened.
Let’s start saying, “Hey you! I don’t like this shit that’s going on! And I am going to protect myself! I am better than this! And I love myself! This doesn’t feel good! And you can go fuck yourself!”
Let’s not repress our emotions to the point where they become harmful, secondary emotions.
Let’s not allow it to get to the point of “dis-ease”.
And my advice today?
Put on your angry red jeans (or whatever works for you)…
Tell those secondary emotions to go fuck themselves.
Listen to your gut.
But most importantly, listen to those primary emotions.
And above, and beyond all else…love yourself, love yourself, love yourself…