I have my headphones plugged in all of the time.
I am constantly listening to music.
It has a lot to do with not wanting to feel alone.
If we are honest with ourselves, none of us ever do want to feel alone.
It sucks to feel alone.
If there is noise, there is something always present.
And I’m all about doing whatever it takes…
Even if it is just an illusion.
And you all know I’m all about whatever works.
Right now, I’m talking about the loneliness of divorce.
After having shared my life with someone for 20 years, and my personal living space with someone for 13 years through marriage, the silence that has ensued since choosing to part ways, is something that is often positively deafening.
Yet, it’s funny how silence can often speak louder than words.
So I counteract that silence with keeping myself plugged in.
There is always the noise of something other than the noise that comes up in my head.
Those that are close to me, know that only too well.
I recall the day that I signed my divorce papers.
Well over 6 months ago now…
I was stupidly anxious that day.
Going to sign a piece of paper that freed me from what I had consciously chosen to walk away from.
I didn’t know how to do it.
I didn’t know how I COULD do it.
Yet, I did.
I somehow found the strength within me to push forward with what I’d asked for.
Nothing in life comes with a book of instructions.
And my over-thinking mind held me a prisoner in the symbolism of it all.
That all it took, was my signature on a piece of paper to end it all.
It made it all seem so insignificant.
Difficult for a sensitive soul like myself.
That day, I got an email from one of the beautiful women in my life:
“Because I know your headphones are the hugs that we can’t give you.”
Attached was a song called “Blow Me One Last Kiss”, by the artist, Pink.
The chorus of the song is as follows:
“I’ve finally had enough,
I think I think too much
I think this might be it for us
You think I’m too serious,
I think you’re full of shit
My head is spinning, so blow me one last kiss”
Separating from a “significant other” is never easy.
For me personally, it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do so far in my relatively short life.
But like the last article I published, I had chosen to “love myself” enough to free myself from what I knew no longer resonated with me.
For so many, many, MANY reasons.
It’s hard to be candidly honest with ourselves.
It really is.
We often look to others as to what it is that “life” is supposed to look like.
But we never take a moment to consider what that “life” looks like for us as individuals.
We lie to ourselves all the time.
Make of that what you will…
Honesty is a difficult thing to come to terms with.
Particularly when we are desperately trying to be authentic to ourselves.
Let’s break it down.
What is honesty?
As far as a definition goes, it is as follows:
“The original sense was “honour, respectability”, later “decorum, virtue”. The plant is so named from it’s seed pods, translucency, symbolising lack of deceit.”
It takes all of your spirit to harness what honesty truly is.
To live your life not only honestly, but also authentically.
The definition of authenticity is:
“Originality. Rightfulness. Legitimacy. Validity.”
Are you being honourable?
Are you being respectable?
Are you displaying decorum?
But most importantly, are you being original?
Are you being true to yourself?
Are you being rightful?
Are you being legitimate?
Are are you respecting those around you?
Are you respecting yourself?
Are you being original?
What is it what you WANT?
Are you being considered in the grand scheme of things?
But most importantly, are you considering yourself in this short lifetime of ours?
Let’s switch off the noise for a minute.
Let’s disconnect from the “sound” that we attempt to distract ourselves with.
Let’s ask ourselves some candid, and uncomfortable questions.
Are you living honestly?
Are you living authentically?
Or are you trying to drown out the noise of everyone else’s expectation of what “normal”, or “conventional” looks like?
Are you trying to please everyone else, at the detriment of yourself?
Are your own potential, future relationships suffering as a result of this “people pleaser” attitude, that you cannot seem to not be able to let go of?
Well, welcome to being a grown-up.
It’s every man (or women), for themselves.
Everyones’ world revolves around themselves.
Everyone is selfish.
Sorry to burst that bubble of yours.
Given that, how about we start revolving our own seemingly “selfish lives” around “us”?
The ACTUAL centre of our universe.
Because we ARE the centre of our universe.
Let’s be completely honest with what it’s all about.
And let’s be totally authentic.
Why don’t we start learning that the “significant other” that is spoken about so often, is ourselves?
Are you valid?
And if you feel you’re not, why are you allowing yourself to succumb into the trap of feeling not being valid?
Why do you care so much about what everyone else thinks?
Because, hey, no one really gives a fuck about anyone else except themselves.
Why not take it all back to basics.
Let’s look at what we start as.
Babies will vocalise what it is that they need.
They cry, and scream, and throw tantrums.
And they ultimately get what they need.
And at the end, when they are happy, everyone is happy.
Let’s take a leaf out of their books…
As I wrote today’s article, I was ironically drowning out the noise that often torments me, through way of my headphones.
The lyrics that played through my headphones was a song by Bruno Mars.
“It Will Rain”.
The lyrics that stuck out for me were the ones that I have chosen to title this blog with:
“Cause there’ll be no sunshine, if you leave me baby”.
If you leave yourself, if you abandon your honesty and authenticity, what you are feeling deep inside, will there be any light at the end of the tunnel?
All we have at the end of that proverbial tunnel, is ourself.
If we discard who we are are at our core, in our hearts; if we abandon our own happiness for the sake of the peace of others, are we left with only darkness?
Don’t trick yourself into thinking that the noise of someone else’s chaos is the answer, just because you fear the silence of your own mind.
Or even worse, because it’ s all you think you know.
If all of our worlds revolve around us, then you are a wizard, and can create whatever it is that you want for your life.
Don’t buy into anyone else’s bullshit.
You are the master / mistress of your own domain.
Let us bask in the light of our own sunshine, solitude, and silence.
Of our life that we have actively, and consciously CHOSEN to create.
And know that no matter what, if the other persons logic doesn’t resonate with us, then it doesn’t make a goddamn difference one way or the other.
And that it will always be ok.
No matter what.
We are strong enough within ourselves to recognise that the light that has always shined within – that cannot be snuffed out no matter what, is all that matters, so long as we are being totally honest with ourselves.
Life always has a way of working out perfectly, despite the fact that we cannot always see it at the time.
Let’s not abandon our true selves.
We will always be fine.
Keep fighting to be honest, and authentic.
Speak your truth.
You are not second to anyone.
You are always first.
No matter what.
Cause there’ll be no sunshine, if you leave me baby…