CONFIDE IN ME

As I write this article, I am listening to “Confide In Me”, by Kylie Minogue.

I am always listening to music.

It distracts me from the noise of the silence of being alone.

Not that I have an issue with being alone.

Quite the contrary.

I lean more towards preferring solitude a lot of the time.

Yet, that silence got me thinking.

I think.

I think, and think, and think…

It’s what I do.

It’s both my kryptonite, and my super-power.

As “enlightened” as I would have myself believe, I am a slave to my thoughts.

And it got me thinking about when people ask that generic question that we so often ask each other, out of courtesy.

“How are you?”

What is it, that those that are asking, how we are, will hope the answer will be?

That we are good?

That we are suffering?

Are we in the habit of saying that all is right in our world, for the sake of others, when in reality, it is far from anything but?

What if we got in the habit of answering things honestly, and we gave a truthful answer as to how we TRULY are feeling?

I have found this coming up for me a number of times over the past week or so.

And if I were to be completely honest, I am not good.

Far from it, in fact.

I am currently in the midst of a financial separation with my ex-husband, and it’s not going as I had anticipated.

In fact, I am heartbroken over the way that it is currently unfolding.

I am potentially naively, and in a state of utter despair, that after having shared a lifetime with someone, that it has come to what it currently has.

But like my younger sister told me once I had made the decision to finally leave my marriage, “you don’t really know someone until you divorce them”.

And there is more weight to that statement than anyone could conceivably comprehend.

And so, when someone who is not amongst those that I have on the list of being those that have my heart; amongst the special people that I “count on one hand” – when they generically ask me how I am, I am also a little heartbroken about their response when I am vulnerable and totally open in answering that question.

And on account of being transparent, I have discovered, that there are two types of “friends” in this world.

The first type, are “true friends.

Your cheerleader.

They support you.

They hold your hand.

They dry your tears.

They reassure you that everything is going to be “ok”.

And they defend you passionately. Furiously.

They are there for you no matter what.

Without judgement.Without their ego intercepting, and making them want to “win”.

My muse, Paulo Coelho, sums up these two different types of “friends” perfectly:

“Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs.”

Our true friends are those that genuinely “have your back”.

Which brings me to the second type of friends.

False friends.

Those that pretend they have your back.

They drip feed you information; they act as though they are your advocate – yet it’s only so that they can have something interesting to talk about.

Because when “push comes to shove”, and when you have put them in a position of actually requesting that they assist you with what you have humiliatingly admitted to them, and that you have pleaded on your knees that you need help with, they drop off the radar, and are nowhere to be found.

Because they thrive upon the drama.

And sadly a lot of us do.

And without further “adieu”, here is the second part of Paulo Coelho’s quote”

“False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.”

It’s a hard pill to swallow when we finally open our eyes, and realise that all aspects of life consist of these polarities.

That one cannot possibly co-exist without the other.

As I wrapped up this article, I googled the lyrics to the song title that I have chosen to label this article with.

“We all get hurt by love
And we all have our cross to bear
But in the name of understanding now
Our problems should be shared”

I am contradictorily a deeply private person.

Yet I am compelled to share my story with others. As I hope it helps to set other people free. In whatever way you want to look at it.

Lately, I have been quite enamoured with the late philosopher, Allan Watts.

Before I published this article, I posted a quote to all of my social media outlets, from Allan Watts.

“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.” – Alan W. Watts

In all of my writing, I truly hope with all of my heart, that with all of my successes and fuck-ups, that I am able to tell you something that will save you from yourself. That none of it has been experienced in vain.

And with regards to the two different types of people that I personally believe exist in this world?

Keep your wits about you.

Use that intuition of yours, and only confide in those that you know that truly “have your back”. That do not take pleasure from your temporary misery.

Find your advocate, and confide in them.

And if you were so inclined?

You can always confide in me 🙂

 

 

OH, AND CHANGE YOUR FUCKING LOCK…

After a session with my “life coach” today, she sent me a picture message, which read:

“My only regret is that I didn’t tell enough people to fuck off”.

In the words of Frank Sinatra: “regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention…”

I’ve had a bunch of regrets, Like most of us human beings, but in all seriousness, there really are too few to mention…

I’ve had a brilliant 36 years so far.

I’m totally thankful for the life that I have created thus far.

The one regret that is worthy of a mention today, is the quote that was sent to me today.

It put me in a particularly reflective mood.

Where I began to examine who it is that I am.

I am soft.

Easily manipulated, as I have been given the gift – and curse, of seeing both sides of the coin.

I am often a pushover.

I’m too nice.

I bite my tongue often.

I’m a “peace-keeper”.

And my silence has brought to me a place where I have realised that in hindsight, I probably should have spoken up a little sooner in terms of what I wanted for my own life.

Actually, scratch that.

I should have most definitely spoken up from the beginning, and listened to my intuition, like I so often try to tell my readers to do.

My writing is there to serve me, to teach me lessons, as much as I pray on bended knees that my own trials and triumphs assist others.

Being now 4 years off entering my 4th decade on this earth, I want to share that “regret”, and wisdom with those who follow my writing.

And it goes like this:

Don’t you dare settle for anything less than what your heart truly desires.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you know in that heart of yours that you deserve.

Love, lust, friendship, mutual respect, compassion, empathy, generosity, kindness, laughter, acceptance, understanding, vulnerability, and compassion.

Life is way too precious, and too short to fill in the gaps with other people’s utter bullshit.

With their narcissism.

With their ulterior motives.

With their selfishness.

With their insecurities.

With their desire for control.

With their own pride, ego, and vanity.

I recall reading a quote a while ago from the author, William Gibson:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

So many times throughout my life, I have been crippled with debilitating panic attacks.

With relentless anxiety.

With depression.

Which is repressed anger and injustice.

With carrying the guilt of that stupid thought of “but what will they think of me?”

It’s taken a really long time to accept within myself, that I do not care what anyone thinks of me.

It was always someone else’s inner dialogue that convinced me that what matters, is what someone else’s opinion of me is.

All that matters in the end is what I think of me.

But who AM I?

What do I know about myself?

I know that I’m a good person.

I am compassionate.

I am charitable.

I am generous.

I am respectful.

I am caring.

I apologise way too much.

I am insecure.

I suffer terribly at times from anxiety.

I am a complete jackass, with a fantastic sense of humour.

I am understanding.

Accommodating.

Yet, I have limits. And I am not to be messed with.

I am loving, and loveable.

I am fragile, and contradictorily strong.

And I am also spiritual.

That spirituality has helped me separate the “wheat from the chaff”.

And what does that mean in simplistic terms?

The dictionary definition breaks down that statement as follows:

“To choose what is of high quality over what is of lower quality”.

And it with that is that knowledge that perhaps, at times, and maybe for a significant portion of my life, I have probably surrounded myself with assholes. Because I didn’t know how to choose “what is of high quality”.

And I believe a lot of us suffer from this delusion. And we settle for less than we truly are worthy of. For a myriad of reasons.

However, it is with this epiphany that I go back to yet another quote, from someone whom I feel has spiritually held my hand through the past few years of my bizarre little life.

From the inspiring author and philosopher, Paulo Coelho.

“The boat is safe anchored at the port; but that’s not the aim of boats.”

Have I compromised who I am, by not telling people that don’t really deserve a place in my life, how I REALLY feel?

And I have to say yes.

That one of my few “regrets”, has been that I didn’t tell enough people to “fuck off”. Especially when my intuition was screaming at me to do so.

So my advice today?

Do a stocktake of your life.

And start deciding how you want to live your life.

Do you need to do a cull?

Who do you need to tell to “fuck off”?

As I finish up this article, I am listening to a cover of “I will survive”, by the band “Cake”.

Which I feel is a prophecy of sorts.

The lyrics that boom through my earphones are:

“At first I was afraid.
I was petrified.
I kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you’d done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to get along.
And so you’re back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here
Without that look upon your face.
I should have changed my fucking lock.
I would have made you leave your key
If I’d have known for just one second
You’d be back to bother me”

Make of that what you will.

From me to you, and from what I personally make of the song that filled my ears as I completed this article, and with my whimsical, free-spirited nature of looking for a meaning in everything, move that metaphorical boat of yours.

You are destined for so much more than you think.

Open your eyes, and recognise that you are not meant to safely sit in a harbour of complacency.

Oh, and change your fucking lock…

ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL ARE WORTH CHASING

“Today was about chasing sun-rays, beach waves, & sunsets. All things beautiful that give you peace are worth chasing. Everything else isn’t.” – April Mae Monterrosa

I posted this quote to all of my social media outlets this evening, watching the sun set behind the trees in my garden.

I was sat outside.

Drinking and writing.

Like I do.

Alcohol (and drugs for that matter), access the right side of your brain.

The creative side.

However, the creative side of my brain is always “on”.

I’m a right-brained person.

Creative. Artistic. Random. Holistic. Open-minded. Fantasy-oriented. Possessing a stupidly long memory. Indecisive, yet impulsive. Intuitive.

Yet, with all of these traits, that can be interpreted as a negative to some, I have been lucky enough to experience a lot of different things in my lifetime thus far.

But the one thing that I continue to come back to, is that I am a slave to my heart, rather than my mind. To “logic”.

I am totally ruled by my emotions. .

I live by my feelings. My intuition. By my “gut feeling”.

I often see things through rose-coloured glasses.

Which is a bit of a curse at times.

And hey, a lot of us have hidden agendas.

We do things that serve a higher purpose for ourselves.

We are all selfish on some level.

For me, I trust too easily.

And my naivety often renders me powerfully stupid at times.

But you know what?

I think it’s a positive trait.

Really.

Why would I want to see the negative in people?

Why would anyone want to see something bad in someone, when there is so much more to be seen?

When you break it down, it’s pretty depressing to go through life being suspicious of everyone, and everything.

And it keeps us stuck in our comfort zone.

Not willing to have new experiences. Not willing to meet other people. Not willing to try to see the good in everyone.

And isn’t it always better to learn things “the hard way”?

That way we have a memory of what we refuse to repeat.

We make a list of our “non-negotiables”.

We learn that boundaries are imperative to our growth as humans.

Having said that, I’m a contradiction.

My intuition lets me know when things don’t feel good.

And at times, I often feel as though my hyper-vigilance leaves me trapped in a rut of fear.

I feel everything so much more intensely than the regular person.

And it makes me afraid to let go, and give myself fully to anyone, or anything.

And I totally shut down.

Through fear.

Which is one of the most basic motivating forces in life.

There’s only two forces in life as far as I’m concerned.

Fear, and love.

I met with my life coach today, and I expressed that I often feel as though I don’t know who I am.

She let me know that I actually know EXACTLY who I am.

I am clearly able to articulate my boundaries, and what doesn’t sit well with me.

With her.

I just have an issue with expressing my truth to others.

Because I’m afraid of hurting people’s feelings.

I feel as though I’m responsible for other people’s emotional response’s to my boundaries.

Which I am aware is a “learned” behaviour.

I was reassured that I am only responsible for how I feel. And to know that what I am feeling, is not only true for me, but also RIGHT for me.

It might not be right for someone else, but it’s right, and true for me.

Our truth is what resonates with us.

It’s what feels comfortable for us.

What feels right for us.

What sits well with us in our “gut”.

And then I had one of my many, many, many thoughts.

I think I’m perfect just the way I am.

Because I am me.

I actually think I’m pretty fucking cool.

I had someone very special to me tell me last night that I display both toughness, and fragility. And that is why I am loved.

I didn’t realise I displayed anything other than complacency most of the time.

But looking back in hindsight, I recognised that I do speak up when it really matters.

I love myself enough to stand up for what I believe in. No matter what.

I have the balance and polarity of both the sunset, and the sunrise.

And despite what that negative part of my brain tells me, I’m “worth it”. Like L’oreal tries to drive home to their consumers.

And all it took was the simple act of observing a sunset, something that happens every single day, to let me know that it really is the little things.

To look at the beauty of the way the sun changed the sky from day to night, and be able to not only appreciate, but also be in awe of the simplicity, and peacefulness of it all. And the way it changes everything surrounding it.

Understanding the illusion that the darkness creates for what surrounds us.

And what the sunset that always ensues reminds us of.

That the same sun that changes the day to night, also changes that darkness to light.

We possess everything we need inside us this whole time.

And let me quote my favourite childhood movie.

The Wizard Of Oz.

“Everything you were looking for was right there with you all along.”

So how about we stop complicating things, and go back to what FEELS good for us.

Let’s drop all of the shit that weighs us down. The stuff that keeps us a prisoner of darkness and melancholy.

Because it really is all about chasing love and happiness.

About what brings us peace.

Let’s be true to ourselves.

Let’s chase what brings us warmth, light, and sunshine.

Because all things beautiful that give you peace are worth chasing.

“CAUSE THERE’LL BE NO SUNSHINE, IF YOU LEAVE ME BABY…”

I have my headphones plugged in all of the time.

I am constantly listening to music.

It has a lot to do with not wanting to feel alone.

If we are honest with ourselves, none of us ever do want to feel alone.

It sucks to feel alone.

If there is noise, there is something always present.

And I’m all about doing whatever it takes…

Even if it is just an illusion.

And you all know I’m all about whatever works.

Right now, I’m talking about the loneliness of divorce.

After having shared my life with someone for 20 years, and my personal living space with someone for 13 years through marriage, the silence that has ensued since choosing to part ways, is something that is often positively deafening.

Yet, it’s funny how silence can often speak louder than words.

So I counteract that silence with keeping myself plugged in.

Constantly.

There is always the noise of something other than the noise that comes up in my head.

Those that are close to me, know that only too well.

I recall the day that I signed my divorce papers.

Well over 6 months ago now…

I was stupidly anxious that day.

Going to sign a piece of paper that freed me from what I had consciously chosen to walk away from.

I didn’t know how to do it.

I didn’t know how I COULD do it.

Yet, I did.

I somehow found the strength within me to push forward with what I’d asked for.

Nothing in life comes with a book of instructions.

And my over-thinking mind held me a prisoner in the symbolism of it all.

That all it took, was my signature on a piece of paper to end it all.

It made it all seem so insignificant.

Difficult for a sensitive soul like myself.

That day, I got an email from one of the beautiful women in my life:

“Because I know your headphones are the hugs that we can’t give you.”

Attached was a song called “Blow Me One Last Kiss”, by the artist, Pink.

The chorus of the song is as follows:

“I’ve finally had enough,
I think I think too much
I think this might be it for us
You think I’m too serious,
I think you’re full of shit
My head is spinning, so blow me one last kiss”

Separating from a “significant other” is never easy.

For me personally, it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do so far in my relatively short life.

But like the last article I published, I had chosen to “love myself” enough to free myself from what I knew no longer resonated with me.

For so many, many, MANY reasons.

It’s hard to be candidly honest with ourselves.

It really is.

We often look to others as to what it is that “life” is supposed to look like.

But we never take a moment to consider what that “life” looks like for us as individuals.

We lie to ourselves all the time.

Make of that what you will…

Honesty is a difficult thing to come to terms with.

Particularly when we are desperately trying to be authentic to ourselves.

Let’s break it down.

What is honesty?

As far as a definition goes, it is as follows:

“The original sense was “honour, respectability”, later “decorum, virtue”. The plant is so named from it’s seed pods, translucency, symbolising lack of deceit.”

It takes all of your spirit to harness what honesty truly is.

To live your life not only honestly, but also authentically.

The definition of authenticity is:

“Originality. Rightfulness. Legitimacy. Validity.”

Are you being honourable?

Are you being respectable?

Are you displaying decorum?

Virtue?

But most importantly, are you being original?

Are you being true to yourself?

Are you being rightful?

Are you being legitimate?

Are are you respecting those around you?

Are you respecting yourself?

Are you being original?

What is it what you WANT?

Are you being considered in the grand scheme of things?

But most importantly, are you considering yourself in this short lifetime of ours?

Let’s switch off the noise for a minute.

Let’s disconnect from the “sound” that we attempt to distract ourselves with.

Let’s ask ourselves some candid, and uncomfortable questions.

Are you living honestly?

Are you living authentically?

Or are you trying to drown out the noise of everyone else’s expectation of what “normal”, or “conventional” looks like?

Are you trying to please everyone else, at the detriment of yourself?

Are your own potential, future relationships suffering as a result of this “people pleaser” attitude, that you cannot seem to not be able to let go of?

Well, welcome to being a grown-up.

It’s every man (or women), for themselves.

Everyones’ world revolves around themselves.

Everyone is selfish.

Sorry to burst that bubble of yours.

Given that, how about we start revolving our own seemingly “selfish lives” around “us”?

The ACTUAL centre of our universe.

Because we ARE the centre of our universe.

Let’s be completely honest with what it’s all about.

And let’s be totally authentic.

Why don’t we start learning that the “significant other” that is spoken about so often, is ourselves?

Are you valid?

Of course.

And if you feel you’re not, why are you allowing yourself to succumb into the trap of feeling not being valid?

Why do you care so much about what everyone else thinks?

Because, hey, no one really gives a fuck about anyone else except themselves.

#SorryNotSorry.

Why not take it all back to basics.

Let’s look at what we start as.

Babies.

Babies will vocalise what it is that they need.

They cry, and scream, and throw tantrums.

And they ultimately get what they need.

And at the end, when they are happy, everyone is happy.

Let’s take a leaf out of their books…

As I wrote today’s article, I was ironically drowning out the noise that often torments me, through way of my headphones.

The lyrics that played through my headphones was a song by Bruno Mars.

“It Will Rain”.

The lyrics that stuck out for me were the ones that I have chosen to title this blog with:

“Cause there’ll be no sunshine, if you leave me baby”.

If you leave yourself, if you abandon your honesty and authenticity, what you are feeling deep inside, will there be any light at the end of the tunnel?

All we have at the end of that proverbial tunnel, is ourself.

If we discard who we are are at our core, in our hearts; if we abandon our own happiness for the sake of the peace of others, are we left with only darkness?

Don’t trick yourself into thinking that the noise of someone else’s chaos is the answer, just because you fear the silence of your own mind.

Or even worse, because it’ s all you think you know.

If all of our worlds revolve around us, then you are a wizard, and can create whatever it is that you want for your life.

Don’t buy into anyone else’s bullshit.

You are the master / mistress of your own domain.

Let us bask in the light of our own sunshine, solitude, and silence.

Of our life that we have actively, and consciously CHOSEN to create.

And know that no matter what, if the other persons logic doesn’t resonate with us, then it doesn’t make a  goddamn difference one way or the other.

And that it will always be ok.

No matter what.

We are strong enough within ourselves to recognise that the light that has always shined within – that cannot be snuffed out no matter what, is all that matters, so long as we are being totally honest with ourselves.

Life always has a way of working out perfectly, despite the fact that we cannot always see it at the time.

Let’s not abandon our true selves.

We will always be fine.

Trust me.

Trust you.

Keep fighting to be honest, and authentic.

Speak your truth.

You are not second to anyone.

You are always first.

No matter what.

Cause there’ll be no sunshine, if you leave me baby…

…LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF…

I have dropped off the radar for a little while again now.

As I do.

Hey – I’m one of those “creative types”.

I’m hyper-sensitive, and a little bit mad.

But aren’t we all?

I have a lot going on right now.

My silence drives those that are close to me completely mad.

I go quiet when I am trying to make sense of things.

However, I think it’s important to listen to what feelings are coming up for you, and take action accordingly.

For me personally, I am riddled, and often crippled with self doubt.

I question what it is that I am feeling constantly.

I don’t trust myself.

I do not trust the feelings that are there as my constant, guiding compass. Despite the fact that they have always led me to safety…

My feelings have told me a lot of things lately.

But the one that has spoken the loudest, is the one that has told me to remain silent.

For now…

I have started seeing my “life coach” again recently after a bit of a sabbatical.

As I sat with my life coach today, she noted that I was wearing a pair of red jeans.

She noted, with interest, that she had never seen me in red jeans.

I often dress for my mood.

I like to dress in “themes”.

And todays mood was “anger”.

A “primary emotion”.

Which is something that I will address in a moment.

I’m all about surrounding myself with those that are there to help us to become the best possible version of who we truly are in our hearts.

I have spent a long time “building my tribe”. http://chasingamy.com.au/2013/10/building-our-tribe/

I have a few things that I feel as though I need to work through.

I’ve never shied away from the fact that I am a work in progress.

I am never going to be finished evolving.

Never, ever.

And, *NEWSFLASH* – none of us ever will be.

One of those “things” that I am attempting to work through, is my emotions.

All of us struggle to understand our emotions at some point or another.

Fuck me – I do on a daily basis.

Feelings…

What are they anyway?

The dictionary definition of “feelings”, is as follows:

“An emotional state or reaction”

“The emotional side of someones’ character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond”

“Strong emotion”

“An attitude or opinion”

“The capacity to experience the sense of touch”

“A sensitivity to, or intuitive understanding of”

Let me break down all of these definitions to you.

Because that’s what we do right?

We like to define things.

To put things into boxes.

For whatever reason.

So here goes…

* “An emotional state or reaction”:

If you are physically reacting to something, doesn’t that tell you that your body is trying to tell you something?

That you are not comfortable with what is going on?

That you are physically feeling ill?

That you are feeling excited? Scared? Joyous? Anxious? Happy? Fearful?

Whatever the “emotional state” that you find yourself in, why are you not paying attention to it?

* “The emotional side of someones’ character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond”

How are you reacting? How are you responding? Why are you responding? What’s going on?

*”Strong emotion”

Pay attention.

Pay attention.

Pay attention.

We are not as highly evolved as we would like to think we are.

What is the emotion that is arising within that is making you feel the way that you feel?

* “An attitude or opinion”

Is it really so bad to have a strong opinion or attitude on certain things?

I don’t think so.

If it doesn’t sit well with you, you have to find it within yourself to know on that deeper level, that you owe it to yourself to love and respect yourself enough to know that whatever it is that you are experiencing is not right for you.

It might be right for someone else, and hey, that’s their journey, and that’s what resonates with them. But if it doesn’t feel good for you, if it conflicts with your own attitudes, opinions and morals, then you need to pay attention to what’s coming up for you.

* “The capacity to experience the sense of touch”

What is it, that is “touching” you?

What is touching that delicate, and sensitive heart of yours that will one day stop beating?

And more importantly, “who” is touching you?

What are you moved by?

Who are you moved by?

What are you feeling on a physical level that makes you sit up and pay attention?

What is important to you?

WHO has your heart?

WHAT has your heart?

* “A sensitivity to, or intuitive understanding of”

What is that above mentioned, sensitive and delicate heart trying to tell you?

What is it trying to make you understand?

What is your “intuition” trying to tell you?

Your intuition is something you often feel in your “gut”.

Did you know that we have a “second brain” in our gut?

It’s called the “sympathetic nervous system”.

And for me, it’s something that governs everything that my life is about.

It always has.

I go by my feelings.

My gut.

If it doesn’t feel good, it’s just not going to happen.

Whichever way I look at it.

If it doesn’t resonate with me, if it doesn’t feel good, I must have the maturity and self-love, to have an “understanding of”.

That “understanding of” is something that needs to be paid attention to.

Because if we repress the “feelings” that are trying to make themselves known, we not only emotionally, but also physiologically do things that do not serve us well.

We access our “secondary emotions”.

And that’s not a good thing to do.

Because we are not being authentic.

I learnt something today upon “venting” to my life coach.

We have two emotions.

Primary emotions, and secondary emotions.

Primary emotions are:

Love

Joy

Surprise

Anger

Sadness

Fear

These are all healthy, and rational emotions.

Our secondary emotions are:

Lust

Pride

Irritation

Rage / envy

Shame / neglect / disappointment / suffering

Nervousness / anxiety / depression

These are all “repressed” emotions. Secondary emotions. And they are not healthy.

They are all states of dis-ease.

Disease.

How about we stop trying to repress, and suppress our primary emotions.

The dictionary definition of primary emotions is as follows:

“Those that we feel first, as a response to a situation. Thus, if we feel threatened, we may feel fear. When we hear of a death, we may feel sadness. They are unthinking, instinctive responses that we have.”

So let’s start giving ourself the gift of feeling things first.

Let’s start loving ourselves enough to speak out about the things that we feel in that second brain of ours.

Let’s start standing up for ourselves when it doesn’t feel good.

When we feel anger.

When we feel fear.

When we feel sadness.

When we feel threatened.

Let’s start saying, “Hey you! I don’t like this shit that’s going on! And I am going to protect myself! I am better than this! And I love myself! This doesn’t feel good! And you can go fuck yourself!”

Let’s not repress our emotions to the point where they become harmful, secondary emotions.

Let’s not allow it to get to the point of “dis-ease”.

And my advice today?

Put on your angry red jeans (or whatever works for you)…

Tell those secondary emotions to go fuck themselves.

Listen to your gut.

But most importantly, listen to those primary emotions.

And above, and beyond all else…love yourself, love yourself, love yourself…