SAY SOMETHING I’M GIVING UP ON YOU…

This is the second time in the space of a week that I have used a song title in my article title.

So what am I going on about today?

Ok, so I was quite reluctant to touch upon this subject, however I am PMSing like a woman possessed right now, and I’m quite emotional when I’m at the height of such an overwhelming roller coaster of hormones.

I’m talking about when two people separate in a relationship, how people cannot help but to not only take it personally, but also take sides.

I have unfortunately experienced this with people that I thought were my friends.

I have been cut off and ostracised from those that were supposedly mutual friends of both myself and my husband.

Now, I deliberately became quite reclusive in the months leading up to my recent separation. We all handle things the only way we know how.

Like I have stated previously, unless you have personally experienced a long term relationship breakdown, you have no idea what the people involved are going through.

It wasn’t high on my list of priorities to be actively social and matriculate as if everything were fine at home, when it quite clearly wasn’t.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve even been as stressed in my entire life, than what I have been in the past 2 years.

Any life altering situation will reveal people’s true colours as to who “has your back”, and sadly, it tends to create somewhat of a divide.

So when two people break up, does that also mean that you are breaking up with more than one person?

From personal experience, I would have to say, yes. Yes it does.

The dynamics shift, and loyalty is tested, and people cannot help but to pick a side.

One would hope that this wouldn’t be the case, as it’s not a battle to be fought, but it is.

And maybe it all comes back to a fairytale type of mentality – that there always has to be a villain and a hero.

But it’s really not like that at all.

Neither is a villain or a hero. And there certainly aren’t any winners when it comes to this type of situation.

Or maybe there’s opportunity in this type of scenario.

If it does come down to a test of loyalty, then perhaps something like this just illuminates who is a true friend, and who is not. It’s like an involuntary cull.

Perhaps it’s like cultivating that metaphorical garden after all.

Taking your garden back to basics and starting over.

There are 4 different types of friends that you will experience during a time of upheaval like this.

1. The ones who cut themselves off from both parties:

They don’t know what to say, and they would rather just remove themselves completely from the friend equation. These people are pretty much just “fair-weather” friends anyway. And they generally treat you as if you have some sort of highly contagious disease that they desperately don’t want to catch.

2. The ones who take the other persons side:

Maybe they never really liked you to begin with. Maybe they’ve judged the situation. Or maybe they are better friends with the other party.

3. The ones who take your side:

Same as the above really.

4. The ones who remain friends with both:

This is the best case scenario. Not too many are like this. It’s hard. And it’s hard because they genuinely like the both of you, and only want to see you both happy. And quite often, it ends up leading to an eventual divide anyway.

So where does the title come into it?

Well, we all like to live in hope. Hope that the people we assumed were our friends are going to magically rush to our side to support us in our time of need.

Yet their silence and distance speaks volumes and unfortunately unless they do say something, you have to cut the chord and give up on them.

And if it all does come back to the notion of a fairytale, then we cannot wait to be rescued by a knight in shining armour of sorts.

We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, thank them for the experience, and release them. To surrender to what is.

I always say that it is only ourselves that can save us.

I do believe that there are lessons in everything.

The most important thing is to only have love and acceptance in your heart, and to try as hard as you can to not take things personally.

You cannot make anyone do anything they don’t want to do.

We just have to keep on moving forward, and time will reveal who our true friends are, and to give yourself the distance and time to grieve the loss of everything that comes with a relationship breakdown. It will get better. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Life, after all is a journey. So continue on your destined path. Keep walking, and have faith that you will arrive at your destination eventually.

“If we walk far enough,” says Dorothy, “we shall sometime come to someplace.” – L. Frank Baum

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