“I’M IN LOVE WITH AMY”

 

“You are adorable. You are beautiful, and vivacious, and you have such a wonderful spirit. In fact, I want to get a t-shirt made that says “I’m in love with Amy”.

These are the words of my Aunty whom I spoke to on the phone all morning. I wish I felt the same way about myself. The thing that made this phone call from my Aunty interesting is the fact that I am very down at the moment. She intuitively felt this even though we are separated by 800 or so kilometres. It’s funny how we have those connections. Those invisible, magical ties that bind.

Depression is a horrible thing.

At times it can feel as though you’ve fallen down a deep dark well, and no matter how much you attempt to free yourself, you just cannot claw your way out of it. Sometimes you’ve been down there so long you lose your equilibrium and don’t even know which way is up anymore. The light has completely vanished from sight. And you remain stuck where you are. And the hardest part is this – we can only save ourselves. We intuitively know how, but at times you can become so disconnected from your heart that it seems like an impossible feat.

I read so many books. Mostly fiction, with spiritual overtones. I also read a lot of self help books. As much as we would like to be rescued at times, it is only us that can be the ultimate rescuer. We are the master (or mistress) of our own destinies. Coming to terms with this truth can be somewhat confronting.

Just as you have to work out your muscles in order to maintain your physique, so with the mind. Some people are much stronger minded than others, but at times, this can also lead to a closing off of certain parts of the mind. An unwillingness to accept what is.

I have an open mind to many things in life, but having an open mind, means that there is the polarity that comes with that. Possessing an open mind means that you are vulnerable. Being vulnerable allows you to maintain a certain childlike quality about you, which isn’t necessarily a positive.

Children generally don’t make decisions. They leave that up to someone else. But how are you meant to steer your ship safely into the harbour if you are at the mercy of someone else being at the helm? Are you even going in the direction you’re supposed to?

I believe we are a soul inhabiting a human body. There is much more to us than a brain and a beating heart. How else can we explain the things that move us? The things that inspire us? The things that sometimes destroy us?

It is our mission in life to “find” ourselves. Because sometimes, we do wander off the path and get terribly lost. When we hear people saying how life is a journey, this is the journey they speak of. The one where we come back to who we are in our hearts. The place where we are complete. Where we are inspired, where we have the freedom to be who we truly are, where we do not fear judgement. Where there is acceptance. Where we can once again fall in love with ourselves.

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