This is something I tell myself time and time again – I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.
I get drunk very quickly, and I’m the type of person, where once I begin to feel a buzz, I simply must keep on going. And I actually don’t even manage to drink all that much – its just the combination of WHAT I drink.
The last few times I have drunk, I have thrown up – and keeping with the way I generally do things, it is always done in the most spectacular fashion.
The most recent one was on Saturday when I went to the races with my sister for Cellarbrations Ladies Day at Rosehill Racecourse. I foolishly didn’t have anything to eat all day (which by the way, I do not have an eating disorder or anything sinister like that – I actually work till around 7pm most nights, then go train at the gym for an hour and a half, and by the time I shower and sit down to eat dinner, its close to 11pm, so when I wake up the next morning, I am still full from the night before so breakfast isn’t even an option).
We ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir and sat down and drank that, where I became impossibly more talkative than I already am under sober circumstances, and then we went to the Skinnygirl Margherita stand and had two of those each, followed by a glass of red wine. Half way through my glass of red wine, I knew that I had done it – I had officially poisoned myself.
Now because I’m a bit of a health freak during the week, and eat really clean and pretty much vegetarian, I am completely free of any toxins by the week end. So when I go and drink the way I do, I successfully manage to make myself sick pretty much every single time without fail – and I seem to keep forgetting about it because I continue to go and do this to myself every time I decide to have a drink, and I swear every time that I am never drinking again.
So around 5.15pm on Saturday, we hopped into a cab. The driver started talking shit as they do, and the rocking motion of the car started that awful feeling. You know the one. Where you break into a cold sweat, and every time you blink, you just cannot focus on anything. Where your mouth beings to water and you have to keep swallowing in order to stop the impending vomit from creeping up, and then the worst part where your jaw begins to clench up, and you just know what’s coming next. And you need to tell someone too for some bizarre reason. You have to warn them. I turned to my sister
“I feel really sick”, I said to her in a small hushed voice.
“You do?” she asked, concern crumpling her forehead.
And that just makes it worse once you’ve announced it, because you know that its going to happen. I fanned myself like a woman in the throes of a menopausal hot flash, and convinced myself to hold out until I got home.
We pulled into my driveway, and I got out of the car, and made my way to the front door (which seemed impossibly far away), I unlocked the door, removed my shoes and went and sat pathetically on the bathroom floor hovering over the toilet bowl, awaiting the dreaded throw up.
Thankfully, it didn’t happen, and I drank a few glasses of water, and ate an entire box of BBQ shapes to try and dilute the alcohol in my system. Within the hour I was feeling a little better, and we ordered some Thai to be delivered (after my sister talked me out of driving to McDonalds – for those of you that follow me on twitter, my tweets are generally quite entertaining when I am inebriated, and I almost always announce when I have had too much to drink).
The time before that was a few weeks back when I went out with my friend Karen. We went out to dinner at The Winery in Surry Hills, and shared a bottle of red, and then went to a bar whose name escapes me, and had 3 cocktails. Cocktails are lethal by the way, particularly when you order a different one each round.
By the time we left the bar and got into a cab, that sinking feeling washed over me again, only this time I couldn’t hold it. I thankfully had a plastic bag with me, and I threw up into the plastic bag for the entirety of the 40 minute cab ride home. I don’t know how that much liquid managed to come out of my mouth. Then when I got to Karens house, I threw up for another 45 minutes on her bathroom, while she doted on me bringing me Gatorade and water, and doing her best to play nurse. When I got home, I laid down on the lounge and managed to fill up a third of a bucket. The things that were coming up were things I hadn’t even eaten. That’s such a strange phenomenon when you really think about it. I had definitely poisoned myself.
The time before that was in Byron Bay, however I had only had 2 glasses of Pinot Gris with dinner, followed by a vodka lime and soda. This time, I actually had sun stroke from laying out on the beach all day like a native, and the combination of that with the dehydrating effects of the alcohol were explosive, and I spent around 3 hours throwing up. Horrific.
And the time before that was on the way home from a wedding. I had stupidly consumed around 2 bottles of red wine throughout the evening, and then once I had gotten out into the fresh air, and then into a moving car, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. First the cold sweats, and because I knew what was coming I began preparing for it. I removed all of my jewellery, put my hair up in a bun, undid my dress, removed my shoes, and then about 20 minutes from home I had to ask to stop on the side of the road where I went and threw up in a car park like a complete trash-bag. Pure class.
It sounds like I drink a lot but this was actually over an 8 month period, however every time I have drunk during that time, the end result was always the same. Managing to make myself violently ill, and waking with a hangover from hell the next day, where I could only liken it to what it might feel like to have survived a botched execution attempt in the electric chair.
So although I say it every time, I actually mean it this time – I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. I am actually quitting a lot of things that are toxic for me over the next few months. I am in the process of going through a complete change in my life and ridding all of the bad things from it. I have been undergoing a spiritual evolution for the past 18 months, and now comes the physical, and emotional evolution to follow….