TOP TEN FEARS

Now I am a fearful person. I fear lots of things, and some of them irrationally, but once explained properly, actually make perfect sense – to me anyway. Here is a list of my top ten fears below:

Sharks – I saw “Jaws” in my youth and it scarred me for life. The image of that shark coming out of the water and “roaring” (yes it roared – me and my sister have laughed about this often) ensured that I never swim out where I can’t see the bottom. Also, when I was young, my sister and I found a small shark washed up on my Grandpa’s beach (Turimetta Beach in Warriewood), and we freaked the fuck out and never swam at his beach ever again.

Spiders – as I have mentioned in my “insomnia” post, I have been bitten four times. The first time I was bitten was when I was about 4 or 5 years old. I had just finished watching “Poltergeist” with my mother (thinking back now, I can’t understand for the life of me why my mother would make me sit through such a terrifying movie anyway), and I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and a Huntsman spider jumped out of the sink (yes, they jump), and bit me on my knee (oh yes they bite, and it hurts, and don’t let anyone tell you they don’t bite because that’s bullshit – they just wont make you sick). The 2nd time I was about 19 and one was in a pair of pants I had on and bit me on the ass, and the 3rd time I was bitten on my foot in the garden (as I often walk around bare-foot like a homeless person), and the 4th time I was bitten on the forehead when I was vacuuming the ceiling (yes, I vacuum my ceiling. This is how I clean cobwebs – I am very small and I can’t reach with a feather duster). So yes, I am terrified of spiders.

The dentist – I am completely terrified of the dentist. I hate everything about the dentist. I hate the chair, the smell of the rubber gloves, that suction thing they put in your mouth – everything. The last time I was there was when I was 19 (so around 4 years ago…..plus 10). He x-rayed my mouth, and told me that my wisdom teeth would need to come out as they were compacting my teeth. I said ok, and never ever went back again. My teeth are now crooked as a result, and I have developed a mild speech impediment where i have a slight lisp on certain words such as “snatch”, and other words – actually I think its more words than I realize because when I recently discovered how to change my voicemail on my phone, and listened back to my message, I lisp on quite a few words.

Running out of toilet paper – This may be seen as an irrational fear, but I certainly don’t think so. Running out of toilet paper would suck balls, and to alleviate this ever happening, I have a constant large supply in my bathrooms to ensure this never happens.

Starving – This is another irrational fear. I have this fear that I will go somewhere, get hungry, and not only will I not have anything to eat, but that I’ll starve to death. It’s a stupid fear because, A. There are places to buy food everywhere, B. I’m not a big eater anyway, so why would I possibly starve, and C. I rarely go far enough from home to warrant such a fear. But nevertheless, one thing you can always find in my bag is snacks. Pieces of fruit, muesli bars, nuts (along with tissues in case I go to a public restroom and there is no toilet paper) – yes, I know its stupid, but its just one of my many quirks.

Ghosts – Yes, I know this is another irrational fear, but I actually believe in ghosts (and not because I’ve watched too many scary movies either). I have had a ghostly experience, but I will leave that for another post.

Vomiting – I mean really, who likes to vomit anyway. It’s not too bad when you’re drunk, in fact I often feel like a new woman if I vomit whilst drunk, but when you are sober and you vomit from an actual illness, and you get that nauseous feeling where your mouth begins to water, and your jaw starts to clench – yes. That.

Running too fast on the treadmill and falling and breaking my teeth – This may sound irrational, but I run incredibly fast at the gym, and if I happen to fall and break my teeth, which would not only be humiliating, but also painful, but I would also have to go to the dentist.

Fainting – I have never fainted, so I don’t know why I fear this, but I always make sure I wear full briefs under skirts and dresses instead of g-strings, in case I ever faint, and for some reason my dress or skirt lifts up and exposes my ass. Yes, another irrational fear. But I could also break a tooth on the way down, so really, it’s a totally legitimate fear.

Snakes – I didn’t think I was afraid until an incident where I was on a hike in Topanga Canyon in Malibu where I almost got bitten by a rattlesnake. When I saw the snake, which was coiled up on the side of the hiking trail, and rattling its tail, I ran the other way, and slipped and fell (I’m actually very clumsy, and I bruised me knee good – I am my fathers daughter after all), and I was so scared that my body did a funny thing. I was crying (I cry almost every single day by the way) because I was scared shitless, but no tears were coming out of my eyes. It was like the “flight or fight” response kicked in to keep my eyes clear so I could see an impending strike from the rattlesnake. And instead of tears flowing from my eyes, they were streaming from my nose. I literally had snot everywhere. It was pouring out of my nose and all down my t-shirt like a tap. Thankfully some hikers came past and scared the snake away, and luckily I’m fit, because I sprinted the whole way back, speaking nonsense of how if I was a celebrity, I’d make my people come and “bring me a motherfucking helicopter to get me the fuck out of here”. Lol.

 

 

 

DESTINY, FATE, AND THINGS HAPPENING FOR A REASON

I absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, believe in destiny, fate, and everything happening for a reason.

I think everything that happens to us, both good, and bad, is there to help us to evolve into the person that we are supposed to become, and I think that its not until you can look back in hindsight, and as the late Steve Jobs said “connect the dots”, that we can see why things have turned out the way that they have.

I believe that we are destined to connect with the people that we do. And I also think that the people that come into (and go out of) our lives are also there to serve our own evolution, and to teach us things about ourselves. Throughout my life so far, I have met so many people that I have formed wonderful connections with, and in a lot of cases the way that we have connected is against all odds. We are not from the same area, sometimes not even the same country, yet our souls have managed to somehow magically locate each other, and we have come together again in this lifetime to finish whatever it was that we missed out on learning from each other the last time around.

I believe in fate too. I believe that everything that unfolds before us is happening for a reason, and that everything is pre-determined. A lot of people disagree with me, even argue with me, and say you make your own fate, but I think that the things that are meant to happen do, and when they are supposed to. Even the decisions that you make I think will all lead you to the same eventual point.

Like Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat, Pray, Love said:

“What would I do if you never came here?’ But I was ALWAYS coming here. I thought about one of my favourite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen.”

 I believe in this too.

 I have had too many unexplainable things happen that can only be described as fated, or as Deepak Chopra, and my Spiritual Guru Todd Savvas (www.toddsavvas.com) describes as synchronicity.

Synchronicity is a bizarre phenomenon. The definition of synchronicity on Wikipedia says Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.” The man who coined the term, Carl Jung, had this to say about it “”When coincidences pile up in this way, one cannot help being impressed by them—for the greater the number of terms in such a series, or the more unusual its character, the more improbable it becomes.”

And I wholeheartedly agree.

And I believe in getting in touch with your intuition. I think this is your own personal inner compass which helps guide you in the right direction. When people speak about “going with their gut” (or heart as I prefer to call it), I think this is intuition at its finest. And the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, is the most beautiful story ever written about following your heart or intuition. And it also addresses the subject of destiny and fate, and if things are meant to be they will. And evidently a lot of other people share my opinion on this as “The Alchemist” happens to be one of the best-selling books in history, winning the Guinness World Record for most translated book by a living author, with more than 65 million copies sold worldwide.

So everything happening for a reason, and exactly as its meant to unfold? Yes. Without a doubt. Fated and synchronistic experiences? Of course. The people that we mysteriously connect with against all odds, and there being a hidden meaning behind it all? Absofuckinglutely.

BRANDY MELVILLE

I just got back from the US a few weeks ago, and on the last day that I was there, I was flying out of LA on the 10pm flight, and had a few hours to kill, so I headed down to Santa Monica to wander around the 3rd Street Promenade shopping mall.

I ordinarily scour Forever 21 and H & M whilst I’m there, but this time I happened upon the most awesome store ever.

It called Brandy Melville (www.brandymelvilleusa.com) and they have the coolest stuff ever, and the most unique bit is, all of their clothing is “free size” – another interesting concept. And its cheap – that’s the best part. With fashion changing daily (you only have to walk past most window displays to know that this is a fact), I think it’s foolish to go and invest a lot of money into the fickle fashion industry when you can find awesome stuff for under $50. And at the end of the day, its all about how you style it up.

I only bought 2 tops from there (as my impatient husband was there with me whilst I was partaking in my retail therapy), and here are pics of them below, along with a link to the products:

www.brandymelvilleusa.com/kate-california-republic-tank-3.html

www.brandymelvilleusa.com/clothing/tops/stella-top-5.html

INSOMNIA, NIGHTMARES, AND VIVID DREAMS

Like Tyler Durden in Fight Club, I suffer from insomnia.

I think an over-active mind is what keeps me up at night. I just cannot sleep. And when I do finally sleep, it’s often at 2 or 3am, and then I wake every hour to check the time, to look at emails, or to think. I am afflicted with an over-thinking mind. I over-think everything.

If I do happen to drift off to sleep, I either dream very vividly, to the point where I almost can’t decide whether the things I dream about have actually happened or not, or I have terrible nightmares. And these nightmares generally involve spiders (probably because I have been bitten 4 times). These nightmares can be mortifyingly embarrassing if I happen to be in the same room as anyone, particularly as I usually sit up abruptly as though I have been possessed by a demon, throw the covers off me, take off all my clothes and throw them on the floor (I tend to over-heat, and this is probably a contributing factor), and start yelling about the fact that there are spiders in the bed. It is terrifying for my husband who is often jolted awake by my night terrors, and its one thing I dread happening if I ever happen to be sharing my sleeping space with anyone else. Horrific.

I also sleep-walk. I was told by my husband, that 2 nights ago, I sat up straight in bed (a little like the scene from “The Exorcist”), announced loudly that there was a spider on me, took off my top, and then proceeded to exit the bedroom, walk up the hallway, and turn on the ducted air-conditioner. I have no recollection of this whatsoever. None.

So back to my insomnia. It generally goes like this. I get tired, take myself to bed, and then I’m suddenly wide awake. So I read. And then I find I’m even more awake than before. I always manage to drift off in the early hours of the morning, so I probably get around 3 hours solid sleep a night.

However I manage to fall asleep like a narcoleptic on public transport. I joke that I should perhaps replace my bed with a chair and I might fall asleep easier, because put me on a bus, train, or plane, and I’m out like a light (with my husband always taking the most unflattering pictures of me once I enter the land of nod, with the most recent one being when I quite literally collapsed on my friends bed).

 

I do not have a solution to this problem, except that one should not think as deeply as I do, and I should take the bus more often.

HOT DOCTORS

This is something that can be particularly awkward. I mean, really, why do doctors have to be hot anyway? It just makes everything weird.

I must say, I’ve only ever been to 2 doctors that happened to be hot.

The first time was about 2 ½ years ago, when I developed this rash. It started as one spot on my stomach, then the next day two more, then the next day, more still, until I woke up one Sunday morning covered in spots all over my torso. And the worst part was, I was flying out to theUSfor a month away that same week. So naturally, I went to the doctor immediately to try to first of all find out what on earth was wrong with me, and secondly, to clear it up.

Being a Sunday, my regular GP was closed, so I had to go see some random doctor in my local medical centre. So I exchanged all the necessary details with the receptionist and waited in the waiting room. When the doctor finally came out and called my name, I smirked. He was pretty cute! So it was terribly embarrassing when I had to explain to this good-looking man that I was covered in an unsightly rash all over my torso, and naturally, being the doctor, he had to take a look, which meant I had to remove my top.

Good grief I am taking my top off in front of this good looking man, I thought to myself. And because I am generally hopeless at concealing my thoughts or emotions, I blushed and smiled, which made him a little nervous, which made me more nervous, which made me smirk more, and then because I thought he knew what I was thinking, it just made it completely weird, and he actually looked down at the floor.

“Pityriasis rosea” he said as he handed me a fact sheet. My sister in law laughs every time I bring up that disease. And she laughs even more when I explain that it all begins with one spot which is referred to as a “herald” because it heralds the fact that you will soon be covered. Google it. I was so unlucky to have gotten that when I did.

The next hot doctor was one I saw around 1 ½ years ago. I had returned from a trip away toGreece, and although I have olive skin, I was concerned about skin cancer, so I went along to the skin cancer clinic to get checked.

Now this doctor was a little older, but what one would refer to as a “silver fox”, and although it wasn’t as mortifying as the “pityriasis rosea” incident, it was still enough to make me blush. When I get embarrassed and blush, I also overheat like menopause has swept in to take hold of me 20 years too soon. So upon seeing this handsome doctor, I naturally blushed when he asked me to remove all of my clothing except for my underwear, and the room was suddenly too hot.

Because it was winter and I tend to dress in layers, it took me forever to remove all of the clothing I had on. First my hat, then coat, then jumper, then singlet, then boots, socks, and finally my jeans. He looked over me thoroughly – and when I say thoroughly, I mean under my breasts, through my scalp, between my toes – and concluded that I was lucky that I have olive skin and that I didn’t need to come back for another 5 years. He was mature enough not for his feathers not to get ruffled by my obvious smirking and blushing, but my gosh, good looking doctors should really not be allowed.

BEING A GOOD HOUSE GUEST

Ordinarily I like to stay in hotels whenever I travel, as I like to do things like walk around nude etc, however on my most recent trip away, which was booked a week before I was due to depart, my hotel options were limited, so I decided to stay with friends, who happened to be the most excellent hosts ever.

Upon my arrival they had Champagne chilled in an ice bucket, scented candles burning, and music playing throughout the house, and in the room I was staying in they had written a welcome card and supplied me with clean towels, bottled water, and chocolates. They would also bring me fresh towels and empty the rubbish in the bathroom I was using. Bless.

 I like to be a considerate house guest, so here are my tips for being a guest that your hosts would want back again:

  1. Always make your bed – this is imperative. Your hosts do not double as maids
  2. Keep your room tidy – do not have clothes, and makeup etc strewn throughout the room. I think this is the height of rudeness
  3. Hang up your towel after your shower – see tip number 1
  4. If you do not buy your hosts a gift to thank them for their stay, ensure that you offer to pay for things when you are out e.g. lunch, drinks, groceries, etc
  5. If you come home drunk, try and be quiet – I know this is a difficult task particularly if you happen to be wasted, but bumping into furniture and raiding your hosts pantry in the small hours of the morning is disruptive as your hosts are generally still going about their every day lives and not on a holiday like you are.
  6. Help out with household chores, such as washing the dishes etc
  7. When you leave, make sure you strip the bed of linens and put them in the laundry basket